What’s in my bag? – Realistic edition

I always make jokes about this and often roast beauty bloggers and social media influencers for doing ‘What’s in my bag?’ videos and write ups and also unboxing videos (it’s mainly because I want people to send me free stuff but they don’t so therefore I hate everyone who gets to lavish in this and brag about it). But I actually quite like them and find it real interesting. I often try to recreate it myself over on my Instagram account in the hope that companies will sponsor me. I have no shame.

My only problem with the what’s in my bags and the unboxing videos is that they’re never realistic. It’s always the latest make up palette that no one except the people that make these videos can afford or “I have a bottle of OVI Hydration in my bag” which is a lie because no one on Earth consumes that beverage by choice if it brings them no monetary gain. I promise you.

I wanted to do one myself and I wanted it to be realistic. I’ve joked about this with people on Twitter before, quite a lot, and the responses have always been too real and hilarious. HERE IS MY ONE!


From left to right, top to bottom:

  1. Headphones that work. They are very good. I listen to a vast range of things through them, from Vampire Weekend, to classic Kiwi tunes, to crime podcasts, to Taylor Swift (BECAUSE I DON’T MEAN TO ALARM YOU BUT HER WHOLE DISCOGRAPHY IS BACK ON SPOTIFY), to Carly Rae Jepsen (BECAUSE I DON’T MEAN TO ALARM YOU, SHE’S VERY GOOD), to Robbie Williams (no comment).
  2. Snort ticket from last night where someone tipped a glass of wine down my bag during the show – hence why a lot of things are missing from this picture because they got soaked/died. I will have in memoriam honourable mentions at the end of this post. Snort, if you don’t know what it is, is a late night comedy improv show at The Basement. It happens every Friday night and features really really funny people, some of the funniest in the country. They make everything up on the spot, it’s crazy!
  3. My keys. Zach brought back that keyring from Poland and it matches my bag (omg who am I, Sharpay Evans?? Iced tea imported from England???)
  5. A packet of Reese’s pieces.
  6. Double Decker prawn crackers, one of my favourite snacks from my childhood. This packet has been in my bag for about 2 weeks now.
  7. An anti-nausea pill, from when I had the worst food poisoning of my life during comedy festival. I have a fear of throwing up in public now, so I carry one around with me at all times.
  8. Helen Clark is a babe pin. Need I say more?
  9. So many tampons. I like being prepared but I think this is a bit overkill.
  10. Random bit of note paper that says “fossil fuels” and nothing else on it. No idea what the context was or why/when I wrote it.
  11. Fisherman’s Friend blackcurrant mints. I promise I’m not this pretentious, I only bought them because it was the only mints the dairy I was in had.
  12. A random bit of paper with all the numbers of the Goosebumps books that I don’t yet have in my collection – so if I’m ever at a Sunday market and some old man is selling them, I can check my list and buy up any that I don’t have. I’ll never own a house in my lifetime but I just maybe might own the entire original Goosebumps book collection.
  13. On the go make up: this is as pretentious as it gets. I have 2 mini Benefit lip tints (Lollitint and Posietint, both AMAZING), a mini box of Benefit Dandelion powder, and an Ariana Grande Mac lipgloss. I hate lipgloss, I hate the feel of it, I hate everything about it, but I really like this colour, so I try to stick it out for as long as I can when I do wear it.
  14. My Snorlax wallet. My favourite wallet I’ve ever owned. It’s adorable and is also very versatile. Best wallet I’ve ever owned.
  15. Nurofen, coz period pain 😥
  16. A Pokemon card I found in a toilet stall at Q Theatre. It’s Geodude and if it belongs to you, please contact me and I will happily give it back to you.
  17. Ice Breakers Sours. They remind me of Smints. Remember Smints??? The greatest not-a-mint mint in the whole world! (soz orange tic tacs)
  18. My Kindle! The best investment I’ve ever made. I take it everywhere. I’m currently reading 6 books at once. I thought it had died because it got completely soaked, but I left it in rice overnight and it seems to be perfectly fine. Let’s hope it continues to live on!
  19. Headphones that don’t work.
  20. Candyfloss flavoured Jelly Belly. When I road tripped down to Rotorua with Guy and Paul a few months ago, we went up to the Luge place and for some reason they have a Jelly Belly store up there. Guy was yelling about how it was a tourist trap, and he is absolutely right, but Paul and I still bought 14 packets each.
  21. My glasses because everybody looks like Slendermen to me without them.
  22. A Ben Hurley $5 note from his comedy festival show.
  23. A free pass to Uptown Bounce which was in my comedy fest goodie bag. I’m honestly surprised 5 bottles of mayo don’t feature in this photo.
  24. Leki tape. I work in theatre. There’s one of these in every single pocket and crevice of everything I own.
  25. A push pop. I still have a lot of these after Valentines Day when Zach bought about 20 and made them into a shape of a heart.
  26. A very bad film camera. It’s so bad, yet I keep using it. It can take photos underwater too and I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to test that out.
  27. An I Love Chewie badge, because I do.

In Memoriam – things I lost in #WineGate

  1. 13 receipts. I counted.
  2. Tickets and flyers to various shows I had seen during the comedy festival.
  3. A rice cracker (the wine leaked through the plastic)
  4. A USB (it might actually still work, I haven’t tested it yet)

Honourable mentions – the weirdest/grossest things I’ve ever had in my bag

  1. 2 stale Subway cookies which I had for breakfast one time when I was running late for work.
  2. A tiny baby that Chris Parker gave birth to in the Basement Christmas show one year.
  3. 5 bottles of mayonnaise (thanks comedy fest and Best Foods).
  4. A vomit bag.
  5. A lunch container that was in my bag for maybe 2 weeks and grew mould

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